Thanks for connecting! Is Living Near a Farm Bad for Your Health? For more of him on Cracked, please enjoy The Most Bats**t Martial Arts Movie of All Time & The 4 Most Irresponsible Sex Advice Books of All Time. In all the animal kingdom, nothing shits like a chicken. To us jet setters, the countryside seems so beautiful ... the milkable animals, the clean air, the daughters that can't say no to traveling salesmen. After being furiously impregnated against her will, the hen lays her egg and sits on it as often as she can for 22 days. If a chicken manages to outsmart you by disguising its egg as an egg-sized pile of feces for 22 days, and it will, this of course hatches into a chick. It's like natural selection decided it was too much trouble to give them claws and decided instead to have them spew waste until they're too disgusting to eat. 8. Don't be fooled -- petting zoos are where animals go when their spirits are broken. There was even crap on the top and sides of the waterer, which meant that the more athletic chickens were leaping over it and moving their bowels with precision timing. Chickens are these stupid little fat squirting things that look like a pillow fight when they try to fly, and the only thing they can do with any elegance is violent sexual assault and pantomiming the shame they feel afterward. So to sum up: Each time you see the words "free range," you're about to eat something that was sexually assaulted by one rooster every day of its life and regular assaulted by all the others. That diaper will stay there until the world's most depressed coyote attempts suicide. Well, before I became the Internet's me, I spent my childhood living on farms, and there are some misconceptions I want to clear up. I should have made it clear earlier that when I said, "In the country, all your neighbors are insane," I was mostly talking to the people living next to me. Britain's daily Covid-19 deaths spike to highest toll since May with 696 victims as infections drop again... Why has ALL of Kent been put in Tier 3? The first time I got really sick was after I moved away from the farm, to a city. But they are infinitely better than the neighbor who pulled a shotgun on me and my brother when we were playing Rambo too close to his cabin. This is usually cut short by about 22 days when a farmer or his disinterested children yank the egg out from under her. It says people who have reported ill-health are likely to be suffering the effects of chemical exposure. Copyright ©2005-2020. Determining its sex is easy. Part of the Daily Mail, The Mail on Sunday & Metro Media Group. A million tons of feces and an unbearable stench: life near industrial pig farms Young hogs are gathered in pens at Butler Farms in Lillington, NC. And if you ever get the opportunity to milk an animal, don't take it. Wild hermits are unusual, but everyone in the country owns a gun, and like all gun owners they fantasize all day about using them. An encounter between country dogs contains no comical ass sniffing -- it's a snarling cartoon cloud of mortal combat. If you screw up and get a second male chicken, the competition to be the top rapist drives them all insane. 7. My parents did it so that when the Soviets dropped ICBMs on us, we would have a defensible compound. The house nearest to ours had actual booby traps on it. Your sprinkler system is watching for your truck to drive away so it can malfunction and turn your garden into a mud wrestling pit. Within a few months, nature starts to eat it, and now there's a tractor in that spot for the rest of all time. A real goat who hasn't had its soul rubbed out by thousands of tiny hands is a gigantic dick. No big deal.
living near a farm
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