TrinDiego/flickr, "No one wants to be labelled negatively or be told how to feel," Bennett told me. Experts told INSIDER that the worst things you can do when in a fight is use "you statements" and make sweeping generalizations about your partner. In fact couples that argue frequently are more likely to stay together in the long run. Here are the ones you need to pay attention to, and how to know if you may have an anxiety disorder. Inevitably, you'll have moments in your relationship when your partner does something baffling, inconvenient, or downright irritating, leading to an argument. But there is something you can say that makes it worse. They act like kindling and can turn a minor battle into a raging breakup fight. Remember: Just because you fight doesn't mean you're destined to break up. “You want to avoid character assassinations in any argument,” says Dr. Cass. RELATED: 6 Signs It's Time to Go to Couples Therapy. Explaining how certain behaviors and actions affect you will take the onus off of your partner and focus it on your own feelings. It gets you both more upset and farther from resolving the argument.". We're loving their inspirational, body-positive messages. It doesn’t matter how deeply in love you two are. ", Studies have even shown that using "you statements" in arguments among adolescents, Remember: Just because you fight doesn't mean you're destined to break up. The material in this site is intended to be of general informational use and is not intended to constitute medical advice, probable diagnosis, or recommended treatments. You should use "I statements" and say how their behavior or actions affect you. ", "It escalates the argument," Jill Whitney, a licensed marriage and family therapist, agreed. Time to argue? Like what you see here? RELATED: How the 'Once-a-Week Rule' Can Make a New Relationship Stronger. Insults are innately disrespectful. Time to patch things up? "The name sticks. Step away and simmer down. Re: Some Mean Things to Say to Annoying People! It implies that whatever unpleasant characteristic your partner has is a fixed part of his or her identity," Whitney continued. After all, does your partner really never do the dishes—or did she skip it for the past week because of a work deadline or a tough week? "This will only put your partner on the defensive and prolong the fight. Time for your responsibilities? We get mad, our brains stop working correctly, and we say something we'll later regret. But that doesn't mean you have a pass to say whatever you want. By Madeleine Burry. Subscribe to our daily newsletter to get more of it. It makes your partner feel that you don't even notice the times he or she makes an effort to not be that way, so why even try?". Be conscious of what you say to your partner, and fight fairly with those you love. Two things I learned from my dad who used to scrap a fair bit. Avoid that outcome by watching your words—specifically these. Save Pin … These Are the 4 Worst Things You Can Say During a Fight With Your Partner. Looking for smart ways to get more from life? That’s unhelpful and difficult for your partner to hear and take in. Health.com may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. The problem arises when there’s a lack of respect in the language used during a fight. When it's -20 in Canada and the dude you're fighting takes off his shoes and shirt before a fight, you know it's not his first rodeo. That's why INSIDER reached out to experts about the worst things you can say to your partner during a fight — and what to say instead. Using absolute words like these discounts everything good a person does in a relationship, says Dr. Cass. "Please try to understand my point of view." "I Don't Have Time For This." Nobody is perfect, but it seems as though our worst tendencies always come out when we're in the heat of the argument. since. "It ignores the times where he or she wasn't selfish, irresponsible, or whatever. “That completely infuriates the other person and causes resentment,” he says. Bennett, a counselor and author of the site, Your significant other is very likely to fire back with 'Yeah? Obviously anything over-the-top hurtful or abusive goes to top of the list of things you should not say. Instead of making sweeping generalizations, focus on the one specific situation or action. "'I statements' allow you both to move beyond bickering over facts and instead try to repair the relationship based on meeting each other’s needs.". Not only does it escalate an argument, but Whitney says what you say could have a lasting impact on their behavior. Studies have even shown that using "you statements" in arguments among adolescents increased anger and aggression. From easier cramps to a heavier flow, here's a guide on what to expect decade by decade. RELATED: 30 Signs You're in a Toxic Relationship. Not only is this super common, but it can also take a fight from bad to worse. Offers may be subject to change without notice. Re: Some Mean Things to Say to Annoying People! Well, you're ___.' "The number one no-no is to drop the d-word," says Dr. Cass, whether it's saying "I'm done" or "I want a divorce." He recommended eliminating "you phrases," such as "you are being ridiculous," and sweeping generalizations, like "I have never been able to trust you. If you or your partner are frequently engaging in hate speech against each other, attacking each others' appearances, or threatening to break up during fights, you need to take a long hard look at your relationship and possibly seek professional help. “You should never save up all of your anger about 10 different things that annoyed you about your spouse, and hit them with it in one big argument,” says Cass. These Are the 4 Worst Things You Can Say During a Fight With Your Partner. “ Hey babe, I should never have [fill in the blank]. Focusing on a single negative point (those dirty dishes) at the expense of everything else that’s positive (the folded laundry; the flowers on your birthday) is a cognitive error known as mental filtering, says Dr. Cass. Unspooling a laundry list of offenses and complaints leads to a fight that’s more dramatic and toxic than it needs to be, he explains.